how to find true love if tinder bans you for a lifetime
Ah. Online dating. The most intricate experience I’ve thrown myself into with the exception of FAFSA. Actually, that is a lie. When I took pre-calculus in high school I struggled just as badly. The only difference is I earned a C+ and I would give myself a solid A- in the online dating field. The minus is because I am still single.
I played with online dating in high school, meaning I made a Tinder account for my dog because as a sophomore you think that is funny. This actually resulted in me violating the terms and conditions and getting banned from Tinder “for a lifetime.” Kinda dramatic, but ok. I didn’t see this as an issue until I got to college and realized that is how little freshmen in big cities find frat parties. Then, it was a large issue for me. In order to temporarily solve this issue, my friends and I decided to make a joint Tinder account that was basically a group advertisement in order to find parties in the area. It worked to an extent. We found the frat that we frequented until I got myself blacklisted. After about a month, Tinder discovered our lies and the fact that my friend’s account was not just her own, and she got banned as well. Tough crowd.
After finding no lights at the end of any tunnels, I resorted to alternate dating apps such as Bumble and Hinge. My brother met his long-term girlfriend on Hinge so I thought I would give it a try. They live together now and have picnics on their balcony and kiss in public which are all things that I’m probably not ready for so I barely use that app now. However, Bumble is a whole other ball game.
The most dates I have been on have been a direct result of Bumble. On Bumble the girl messages first, so you get to pick out each terrible experience by hand. I think that this part adds to the immense sadness I get from this app. The fact that love still doesn’t work even when I personally pick the person. It is not like he tripped and I picked up his papers in the hallway, we locked eyes and he then asked for my number. No. I messaged him “heyyyy” and pushed the button for disappointment myself. The first Bumble date I went on resulted in me downing four glasses of water from carrying the entire conversation and utilizing all the saliva in my mouth. I ended up explaining the game of baseball to him and needing to run. Two things I never do and really am not in the position to do. The last Bumble date I went on ended in him literally saying the words “You are my second choice,” a couple weeks later. All of this trauma and the app still sits in my phone.
That’s the thing about online dating. As a strong woman, you want to believe you don’t need validation from men. Women who preach this are either lying or have a way better therapist than me. Dontshowmytherapist. I’ve tried out the self-love journey. It’s great, it works wonders. However, I’ll watch 30 seconds of the Notebook and all efforts are reversed automatically.
Back to the main point of this post. Tinder. You may think my days with Tinder ended after I was banned twice. Silly of you to think I give up that quickly when true love is at stake. Sophomore year of college I decided to hack the system and use my roommate’s school email and my 14 year old brother’s cell phone number so Tinder could never trace my profile back to the real Steph. Dontshowtinderthis. It worked, but my roommate Maddie still receives the daily emails, and my little brother gets the verification codes from time to time. I’ll repay them when they get to experience the open bar at the wedding this app will one day give me. A love as serious as Jake messaging me the eye emojis at 1 am, takes a village.
I now am still on all three of these apps mentioned. I grab my nightly cup of tea and scroll for about 20 minutes until I’ve received enough validation to go back and see bikini models on my instagram feed. Not only is life a balancing act, but so is self confidence.