life is too short to not ask him for his birth time

Within the past two weeks I have begun a new side hustle as a waitress. I actually definitely shouldn't have gotten this job and the only reason I did get this job is because I lied. I didn’t lie on purpose because I really didn’t think it would work. I guess that is still lying. Anyways, I put on my resume that my previous job making smoothies and mopping floors was actually categorized as a “barista/server.” It’s the slash that got me. I should’ve stopped writing after barista but as we know minimalism isn’t my thing. Well, I got the job. And as a “seasoned server,” the first week was interesting. 

First of all, I had no idea that there were so many types of wines and that half of them start with the word “pinot” and that some pinots are red and some are white. Really wondering why we could not just have one universal pinot, but life isn’t simple. This was a drastic change from the three options I’m used to: Watered down beer, jungle juice, and a warm white claw. Once I realized that I would need to keep the alcohol menu on me at all times, my job got a little bit easier. 

Then, money became an issue. I have never had more than 50 dollars to my name, so it’s not my fault I haven’t had the resources to learn how to work with money. This is my drawn-out excuse for not paying attention in math class and using 20 of my 50 dollars for a Chegg subscription. Priorities. However, I did split a check 4 ways instead of 2 and let customers leave the restaurant with a half-paid check. Worst part is I didn’t even notice until my manager said something, and then the 40% tips made sense. I now split my checks with my manager Greg until I master the craft. Ugh, I love Greg and his miraculous patience. 

The most important thing I have learned from this job is, I am a pussy. Like actually, I will let anyone walk all over me. I say sorry approximately 400 times a shift when I truly mean it maybe twice. I wait until everyone is out of the kitchen to grab my food because the thought of saying excuse me and have someone hate me for the rest of my life because of it, is too much to bear. I am a rather outspoken and extroverted person, but I have learned I have zero balls. I watch the bartenders yell out what they need, and I am like, damn. You are an inspiration. I have never met a cowardly bartender in my life, and I think that’s really beautiful. 

This made me ponder the other aspects of my life that could improve if I just say what I feel. And then I realized. The past five men I have talked to have all had the worst zodiac birth charts I have ever seen. The worst part is I never find out until I am in too deep. Maybe if I spoke up a little sooner, I wouldn’t be in entanglements with a cancer or being used by a sagittarius. I need to assert my dominance early on before I become a therapist for a pisces. 

I now begin my third official week as a waitress with hopes to deliver the right wine and have the courage to say excuse me.